Does this individual show up when it's beneficial but leave when you need them? They may attend your party to network, but when you're hurting, they're gone. Leeds argues this behavior indicates a false buddy.
They're a fair-weather friend.
According to Nuñez, a friend who is rarely there at difficult times is likely a phony friend. Being there for you and providing emotional support doesn't benefit them. The "support" they provide you is shallow and insincere.
They aren't there for you
Leeds says fake friends only contact you when they need something from you. You may be astonished when they text you to inquire how you're doing, only to tell you they applied for a position at your company and want your recommendation.
They always seem to need something from you
Leeds and Nuñez acknowledge that jealousy might lead to competitive behavior among false friends. They may try to outdo you in one-on-one or group conversations or just seem better than you.
They're competitive with you
True friends uplift you, whereas phony friends don't. Leeds says this person makes "you may feel insecure, used, or judged." Sometimes nothing needs to be spoken, but you can feel their judgment or disapproval.
They make you feel bad about yourself
Nuñez warns that phony buddies may not celebrate your victories and may even diminish them. "They may use your celebrations to degrade you, saying, 'That's not a big deal. Anyone can.
They don't celebrate with you
Consider how you feel with and after this individual. Do they drain you? Leeds expects a phony buddy to drain them or focus on them. "These are clear indicators that a big shift is needed if the friendship is to continue," she says.
They drain your energy
This one may be difficult to spot, depending on how careful they are about who they mention you to. A "friend" who spreads stories, lies, or trash-talks about you is not a true friend, according to Nuñez.
They talk about you behind your back
Mean things can be said to you in public. Some folks speak bluntly without remorse. According to Nuñez, if someone views you negatively and has nothing positive to say about you, it is a significant red flag. Indeed, true friends should enjoy and show it.
They have nothing good to say about you
According to Nuñez, phony friendships are often one-sided, with the fake friend emotionally draining you without providing necessary support. Browse our one-sided friendship guide for more indicators of this problematic relationship.
The friendship is one-sided
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